What I learned from being a stay at home mom... except i'm single and not a mom.

One of the things I really looked forward to during (f)unemployment is spending time with my niece and nephews. It's crazy how fast kids grow up, and to only see them once or twice a year, for a week or two at a time... it factored into one of the reasons why I left my job. After all, when else would i have time to bond with them and cement myself as best aunt?? Not to mention, I was also on a time crunch because everyone knows that after 6 years old they stop being cute.

So after about 2+ months of hanging out with 2 nephews (age 1 and 3) and a niece (age 4), and all of their friend's kids, here's what I've PERSONALLY learned:


1. It takes A LOT of patience and time to get a child to do something 
Here's how a recent conversation with my 3 year old nephew went:

Me: Hey! put your jacket on. 

Him: No. 

Me: If you put it on, i"ll give you this awesome jelly

Him: No.

Me: But it's a realllyyyyy yummy jellyyyyy. 

Him: No! I dont want to put my jacket on!!!! 

Me: I'M GOING TO EAT IT IF YOU DON'T PUT YOUR JACKET ON.

Him: NOOOO! YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME, EEMO (korean word for aunt on your mom's side)

Me: 

 

... 

Growing up, if an adult told me to do something and i said no... smack. Much more time efficient and effective. 

2. Kids definitely hear you, they just ignore you 

I think this is mostly a boys thing. My niece is pretty good when I call her name. But for both nephews I will literally be standing over them, poking them and calling their name, and they will just continue to play. 

It's only when you say "ice cream" or "present" that they turn around...

3. Kids don't see race, and it is the best thing ever. 

I was playing with a princess sticker book with my niece, when she insisted on only putting the 3 white princesses into the sticker book. She said "i like these princesses, not that one" (that one, being the non-white princess). And for a moment, I got real worried... so i calmly asked her: 

Me: "hey, why don't you like that princess over there? she's pretty too..." 

Her: "Oh. Because that princess is wearing a purple dress and I don't like purple"

Me: 

Seriously, adults. It's not the color of the skin that matters. it's the color of their dress that matters. duh. 

4. Kids poop STINK.
I have no idea why kids poops stink so bad. It's like something crawled up their butthole and died and then decayed for 10 days before coming out. It's so bad that it stinks up the entire house. One time, i didn't hear my nephew for 2 minutes and called out his name, only to learn that he decided he would go poop by himself in his training potty. Wut. why would you do that???? Poops that don't go directly in the toilet bowl stink 10000x worse. I tried to reason with him that it's more adult to poop in the toilet and he was like .... "no! stinky booty!!" (that's his favorite phrase right now)

And so after he stunk up the bathroom for 15 minutes just sitting there.. and then insisted he look at his poop afterwards... i put on gloves, dumped out his poop into the toilet, chlorox wiped everything, and lit a candle. What has my globe-trotting, NYC, manhattan life come to?! 

5. You need, ideally, 2.5 adults per 1 child. 

I used to think that I wanted 4 kids. Being a third child, it wouldve been nice to maybe have someone else to team up with.... but then after going on vacation with my sister and her 2 kids... how do adults do this?! We had 4 adults and 2 kids and i still felt it wasn't enough adults. You have one kid crying, the other one wandering off.. one adult carrying things, 2 adults looking after each kid, and 1 adult figuring out information for the trip. Maybe, if the kids are super behaving, ONE rotating lucky person of the 4 adults gets to enjoy the vacation. That's IF they aren't asked to help out in one of the multiple crazy things thats going on.

Basically this was me, conned into thinking it
was going to be a nice, relaxing vacation on the beach.
JUST KIDDING. SURPRISE. 

6.  Entertaining children is like the hardest thing. Ever. 
You wanna know why parents are so tired, all the time? Because their brains are constantly churning to come up with fun stuff to do so 1. their child doesn't go and find something dangerous to do instead and 2. so the kid doesn't have a meltdown and you can MAYBE have 10 min of peace and sanity before the kid gets bored. again.

Me, screaming this to my nephew, after i built him a cardboard airplane.
He was not entertained. 

This is why totally no judgement on parents who hand over the ipad / tv because it's honestly better than you turning crazy. In fact, I recently saw someone post on fb about no screen time.... and they have a newborn. Of course you're opposed to screen time... your newborn don't talk back to you! Of course you're opposed to screen time... your newborn doesnt scream NOOOOOO and then stomp on your sanity! Special shout out to stay at home parents. I see you. I know it's tough. Hang in there.

7. And when they are entertained, they're like broken records.
You wanna know why else parents look tired all the time? Because when their kid finally finds something entertaining, they repeat it 100000000 times and then you're so tired from it that you feel your sanity slipping away. My nephew watches The Greatest Showman maybe 3 times a week. And when he's not watching it, he listens to the music in the car. Oh, and get ready to play "hide and go seek" 30 times in 30 min... except he hides in the same spot. And my other nephew found the 1 dangerous entertaining thing to do - jumping off things. So then you're constantly catching him while he laughs. No no no. this is NOT fun for me.

8.  There is no concept of personal space to children 
Living the single life, one thing i greatly appreciate and cherish is my personal space. And when you're living with a toddler.. yeah. nope. The other day I was in the bathroom and i creepily see a hand stick out from under the bathroom and my nephew saying: "eemo. you see my hand?? grab my hand! you see it?! now you see my feet?!"

...
Also, i am starting to wonder if kids see adults as human because all 3 niece and nephews think jumping on my stomach is fun. No, children. Eemo's stomach is squishy but it does NOT bounce you back up. Also, I have no idea what insurance i have anymore, so please stop.


9. Kids believe the strangest things but NOT when you're speaking the truth. 
I will tell my niece and nephew straight up truths. Like... hey, don't go run there because you're going to get hit by a car. And they're both like.. "nahhhh".
And then i can say something completely ridiculous, like how I told my niece that I'm a princess and live in a castle, and they will think it's the absolute truth.

wait.. o.m.g.... is this how relationships start?! When there's REAL red flags everywhere and you're just like .. "nope. couldn't be." and then he comes at you with crazy lies and you're like.. "yessss i believe!"
.... i'm so mind blown right now at my own revelation... We're all just bigger-sized kids...

10. I would rather have daughters than sons. 
Yes, I 200% stand by my controversial statement and in turn will probably in the future, if i choose to have kids, end up with all boys. But having observed and been around many children, girls are SO SO much easier. My niece, and many of the other girl children I observed, will sit quietly in one place and play. Like.. YES. i can actually enjoy a glass of wine in this environment.

My nephews...? what. is. going. on. How did they end up over there? why is he drinking pool water? did he just stick sand in his mouth? Why am i hearing crash noises and screaming???? what am i even doing right now???

literally what boys are capable of.

And i hear from moms like: "ohh sons are special in their own ways! and they're so much fun! i love having sons. girls will be harder to raise in the future anyways." (my sister says that all the time). And really... it's just a coping mechanism they tell themselves over and over again until it becomes true so they don't go insane from having to chase after their sons. It's okay. I'll play along for your sake. wink. wink.

But seriously i've learned so much from being around my niece and nephews. like maybe TOO much about raising kids. Do i miss my Manhattan life? Of course. But being able to spend time with them at this age, when they say the strangest things and do the weirdest things and aren't too cool for hugs... this is a pretty good trade in my book. 

Ps: Major props to all the parents out there. If you're keeping your child alive, you doing good!

Hot mess #1

Hot mess #2

Hot mess #3